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Twenty Twenty
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The Woman in the Mirror
The Woman in the Mirror tells me I’m almost 44. Which is crazy because just yesterday I was 33. And the day before that I was 22. But there’s no denying it: once-covert wrinkles now flaunt themselves; previously perky-and-woke skin now slumbers. It’s all kinds of awkward to age, people. Even my hormones have formed an alliance with my hair roots—to overthrow any last vestiges of youth. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely adore being in my forties. I love getting older, and I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been. But in a culture that worships the ruthless tyrant Ageless—and with a heart prone to obsess over Self—I wage a daily war between lies and truth. Lies say the greatest compliment I can receive is, “You look so young for your age! I never would have guessed you’re in your forties!” (Even today, on TV in the doctor’s office, a famous model offered me a special age-defying potion. She said there’s a magical fruit in the south of France that will take ten years off my face.) But Truth says I’m an image-bearer of The Most Beautiful One—and by beholding him, I become like him. My spirit, the very essence of who I am, grows more beautiful in his presence. Lies say women lose stock as they age. Truth says these wrinkles represent some pretty amazing chapters in my story—chapters I wouldn’t give up for all the youthful looks in the world. (Why would I want to be mistaken for 34 when I’m so grateful for every one of these 44 years?) Lies say your body is your worth. Your looks are your currency. Truth says this life is just a shadow of the breathtaking reality to come. Aging is the passing of the shadow, the coming of all that is good and lasting. So, when I’m tempted to resent how hard it is to maintain muscle these days, how my eyes seem to wax gibbous, or how my jowls are sinking into my neck, I catch myself. These wrinkles are my glory! Every altercation of age is a testimony to God’s good work in my life, to a heart that he is beautifying each day. I hope that as I live into the fullness of middle age, the best compliment I receive will be, “You are radiant with Jesus. I see him in and through you, and it is beautiful.” Bring it on, 44. (Now if only I could make peace with my gray roots….) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:5 “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16 “A human is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.” Psalm 144:4
Everything my heart craves
Before the foundations of the world were laid, you saw me and knew me and knew my days. You had already determined the era of history, down to the very environment, I would live in. You knew that I would enter a toxic world, a world riddled with crisis and cruelty—but a world of breathtaking beauty and wonder too. You set me in an age of indoor plumbing and technology, overcrowded cities and racial strife, advanced health care and incurable cancer. You brought me into being though you knew I would be your enemy from the first day—born into sin, enslaved to Self, hating your ways. You knew my greatest suffering would come from within, not without. You foresaw the brokenness and the beauty (of myself and my world), and you tenderly, tenaciously placed me in the thick of it—to write a story of surpassing goodness. Even as you have allowed pain to have its wanton way with me these many years, even now as you have let rampant disease, racial division, and political upheaval change the shape of our days, I praise you for you have also—moreso— revealed the path of life to me (Psalm 16:11) made my heart glad (16:9) hemmed me in behind and before (139:5) helped me, sustained my life (54:4) rescued me from every trouble (54:7) fulfilled your purpose for me (57:2) upheld me and exalted me (18:35) delighted in me (18:19) hidden me in the shadow of your wings (17:8) increased strength within me (138:3) loosened my bonds (116:16) turned your ear to me (116:2) given me a confident heart that is not afraid of bad news (112:7) supported me with your faithful love (94:18) made me happy by disciplining and teaching me (94:12) never left me nor abandoned me (94:14) made me rejoice by what you have done (92:4) welcomed me into your house (5:7) been my refuge in times of trouble (9:9) listened carefully to me (10:17) seen my trouble and grief and taken it into your hands (10:14) provided safety for me (12:5) counseled me when my thoughts trouble me (16:7) given me a beautiful inheritance (16:6) satisfied me with your presence (17:15) led me along the right paths (23:3) guided me with your faithful love (26:3) God, you are Love itself, and in you I have found everything my heart craves. Teach me to love you more. (All quotes from the Book of Psalms, Christian Standard Bible)
Words of wisdom
May the wisdom and hope of these dear saints encourage your hearts as they have mine. We may live in a dark world, but his light shines brighter. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Take the very hardest thing in your life, the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in that very spot. —Lilias Trotter, Parables of the Cross The Lord knows how to order things better than I. The Lord sees further than I do; I only see things at present. … And how do I know that had it not been for this affliction, I should have been undone. —Jeremiah Burroughs, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment It grew harder and harder. There was too much misery, too much seemingly pointless suffering. Every day something else failed to make sense, something else grew too heavy. But…one thing became increasingly clear. And that was the reason the two of us were here. The blacker the night around us grew, the brighter and truer and more beautiful burned the word of God. —Corrie ten Boom,The Hiding Place (recalling her time spent in Ravensbruck Concentration Camp) Spare not the pain though the way I take be lonely and dark, though the whole soul ache, for the flesh must die though the heart may break. Spare not the pain, oh, spare not the pain. —Ruth Bell Graham, Clouds are the Dust of His Feet When it costs most we find the greatest joy. We find the darkest hours the brightest, and the greatest loss the highest gain. While the sorrow is short-lived, and will soon pass away, the joy is far more exceeding, and it is eternal. … In the presence of bereavement, in the deepest sorrows of life, He has so drawn near me that I have said to myself, “Is it possible that the precious one who is in His presence can have more of the presence of God than I have?” —Hudson Taylor If I refuse to allow one who is dear to me to suffer for the sake of Christ, if I do not see such suffering as the greatest honor that can be offered to any follower of the Crucified, then I know nothing of Calvary love. —Amy Carmichael, If The deep of misery calls to the deep of mercy; the deep of transgression calls to the deep of grace. Greater is the deep of mercy than the deep of misery. Therefore let deep swallow deep. Let the deep of mercy swallow the deep of misery. —Girolamo Savonarola (Italian Dominican preacher martyred in 1498), Reformation Commentary on Scripture Let no incident of life, pleasing or painful, injure the prosperity of my soul, but rather increase it. —Christmas Evans, sermon from the early 19th century I am afraid that all the grace that I have got of my comfortable and easy times and happy hours, might almost lie on a penny. But the good that I have received from my sorrows, and pains, and griefs, is altogether incalculable. . . . Affliction is the best bit of furniture in my house. It is the best book in a minister’s library.—C.H. Spurgeon, The Complete Works of C.H. Spurgeon, Vol. 34 May I not instruct thee in my troubles, but glorify thee in my trials. —Valley of Vision, page 133 It has everything to do with God and his grace that sustains—not just over the long haul, but grace given in tiny moments, like stepping-stones leading you from one tick of the clock to the next. And the beauty of God’s grace is that it squeezes those hard moments together, eclipsing the years until one day you look over your shoulder and all you see is five decades of God at work. Try as you may, you cannot recall the horror of it all—grace softens the edges of past pains, choosing only the highlights of eternal importance. What you are left with is peace that’s profound, joy that’s unshakable, and faith that is ironclad. It is the hard but beautiful stuff of which God makes your life.—Joni Eareckson Tada, The Scars That Have Shaped Me Grant me thy blessings with bitter things,to brighten and quicken me,not to depress and make me lifeless.—Valley of Vision, p.140 The weightiest end of the cross of Christ that is laid upon you, lieth upon your strong Savior. For Isaiah says that in all your afflictions he is afflicted [63:9]. … Glad may your soul be, even to walk in the fiery furnace, with one like the Son of man, who is also the Son of God. Courage up your heart; when you tire, he will bear both you and your burden [Psalm 55:22].—Samuel Rutherford, Letters (1628) God has seen to it that [in my life] there has been a certain measure of suffering, a certain measure of pain. And it has been out of that very measure of pain that has come the unshakable conviction that God is love.—Elisabeth Elliot, Suffering is Never for Nothing Untried faith is such little faith that some have thought it no faith at all. What a fish would be without water, or a bird without air, that would be faith without trial.—C.H. Spurgeon, The Trial of Your Faith: Sermons on 1&2 Peter and Jude Not only this valley but all their earthly past will have been Heaven to those who are saved. … That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, “No future bliss can make up for it,” not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And that is why, at the end of all things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say “We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven,” and the Lost, “We were always in Hell.” And both will speak truly.–C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce If Christ be not in view, there is nothing but wants.—Isaac
When Depression comes knocking
He could find his way to my doorstep blindfolded. He always takes the same route—by way of prolonged physical illness, sustained stress, or painful loss. Without fail, he shows up at the most inconvenient times and walks in as if he owns the place. He is that dreaded and unwelcome visitor, Depression. You don’t have to share my 25-year history with Depression to have found him on your own doorstep this year. There have been enough oppressive realities in our 2020 world to bring him knocking on anyone’s door. So if you or a loved one have felt the darkness of his presence settling in on you, I would love to speak a bit of encouragement into your heart today. Below I share a few of the ways I’ve managed Depression’s disruptive presence—and found God’s breathtaking goodness in the process. (Of course, these aren’t meant as a cure-all or substitute for professional care and medication; they are simply my own testimony of a broken but beautiful journey.) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ When Depression comes knocking, I tell myself these four things: Be gentle with your weakness. In the past, I’ve felt fear at the onset of depression, shame for being prone to it in the first place, and even guilt for not being able to “snap out of it.” But over time I’ve experienced the gentleness of Jesus’ heart toward me in my weakness, and this has taught me to wrap my arms around my human frailty and say, “Okay, here we are again. This depression makes sense considering my circumstances. I know Jesus is with me, and I know this darkness won’t last.” The psalmist David models this acceptance-of-weakness in many of his psalms, such as this one: Although my spirit is weak within me, you know my way. (142:3) And Thomas Watson put it this way: How is a weak Christian able, not only to endure affliction, but to rejoice in it? He is upheld by the arms of the Almighty. ‘My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ (2 Corinthians 12:9) Whatever reveals our need for God and strips us of our arrogant self-reliance is a mercy. We experience more of Christ’s power in us when we are weak, and that is an indescribable gift. These days, instead of bracing myself at the first sign of depression, I gently welcome my frailty as one of the surest ways to experience more of Jesus. Keep a grateful heart. During a bout of depression, I’m prone to dark and gloomy thoughts. The difficult circumstances that summoned depression in the first place, now tempt me to drink deeply of their bitterness—and before I know it, everything about my life looks abysmal. Again, the Psalms beautifully model for me how to move from a place of toxic negativity back to a place of peace and joy. The psalmists were incredibly raw and real about their bitterness, their pain, but they knew how to not get stuck there: they thanked God in the midst of the darkness, and their Godward praise changed their hearts. Look at how this works in Psalm 71— Deliver me, my God, from the power of the wicked,from the grasp of the unjust and oppressive.For you are my hope, Lord God… As my strength fails, do not abandon me.For my enemies talk about me,and those who spy on me plot together…But I will hope continuallyand will praise you more and more. Your righteousness reaches the heights, God,you who have done great things;God, who is like you?You caused me to experiencemany troubles and misfortunes,but you will revive me again.You will bring me up again,even from the depths of the earth. My lips will shout for joywhen I sing praise to youbecause you have redeemed me.Therefore, my tongue will proclaimyour righteousness all day long. The psalmist was oppressed by enemies, his strength was failing, and he had experienced “many troubles and misfortunes,”—but he hoped in God, he praised him (“more and more”!), he recalled the great things God had done for him. His heart was full of gratitude, so instead of nursing a grudge or griping, his lips shouted for joy. Stay connected to your people. During depression, it’s easy for me to withdraw from the people I need the most. I’m mentally and emotionally tapped out, so the thought of making room for meaningful relationships is exhausting. But it’s precisely what I need, so I’ve learned to keep a few friends and family close no matter how I’m feeling—and to stay engaged with my son and husband who are such a source of strength to me. I don’t always do this well (some days of depression find me “checked out” or withdrawn), but my goal is to remain relational with a close circle of friends and family through the duration of my darkness. And let me quickly add the obvious—that in the midst of quarantines and social distancing this year, staying connected has been more difficult than ever. Zoom and Marco Polo apps are poor substitutes for the real thing. It takes far more work to be in relationship and feels far less fulfilling than pre-quarantine. But the dangers of isolation are real, so the effort is always worthwhile. As both King David and the Apostle Paul testified, the people of God are our joy and we need them! “Indeed you are our glory and joy!” (1 Thessalonians 2:20) “As for the holy people who are in the land, they are the excellent ones. All my delight is in them.” (Psalm 16:3) My capacity to remain joyfully resilient during depression is largely dependent upon my connection to the very ones who bring me great joy! Keep going to God. Depression tends to snuff out my desire for prayer and Scripture. Passages of the Bible that typically would make my heart sing, fall flat—and my prayers sound hollow. I don’t have the same experience of God’s presence. At times he feels a million miles away. In the past I’ve
A book like Amos (for a year like 2020)
What if tomorrow, one person could rise up and speak peace into the chaos of our world, healing into the brokenness? What if one voice could drown out all others—the arrogant, the bitter, the violent, the naïve? I’ve spent a couple of months looking long at the prophetic book of Amos, and I’ve been stunned to find a microcosm of our own current world affairs—as well as a God who speaks into the madness, whose voice is so powerful and authoritative that it leaves every other voice (even the ones screaming the loudest) sounding like whispers in a hurricane. Amos begins his book by saying, “The Lord roars from Zion and makes his voice heard.” According to Amos, the Lord roars (and also speaks and sings) in order to: …declare punishment on both his own people and their neighbors. …recount all the ways he has tried to win back his people. …proclaim his presence and his plan to redeem. I love that God is an all-knowing, truth-telling God. He’s not passive-aggressive or unsure of himself, nor is he swayed by the masses. He calls a spade, a spade. And so, in chapter 1 of Amos, he brings grave accusations against three of Israel’s neighbors: Edom, for mistreating his brothers (as well as stifling his compassion and raging incessantly); Gaza, for exiling “a whole community”; and Tyre, for breaking “a treaty of brotherhood.”** To these nations who abused and enslaved people within their own communities, he promises to send consuming fire as punishment. Then he accuses Judah of rejecting his instruction, of following ancestral lies that led them astray. For them, too, consuming fire is promised. Then the Lord moves on to Israel, describing her as predatory, impure, violent, enslaved to sin, indulgent, proud, callous, complacent, and self-righteous. Because of her sins, the Lord says, “Look, I am about to crush you in your place as a wagon crushes when full of grain. … I will punish you for all your iniquities.” And then—perhaps just in case Israel dares to question God (“How could you be so cruel?!”)—God reminds her of all the ways he’s tried to stop her from self-destructing, all the ways he’s tried to get her attention and woo her back to himself. I sent famine—yet you did not return to me.I sent drought—yet you did not return to me.I made you stagger—yet you did not return to me.I struck you with plagues, disease, defeat, and death—yet you did not return to me. Out of his great desire to be in relationship with his people, to save them from their sins, God sent crisis after crisis. Yet his people refused to return to him. (I don’t want to rush past these haunting verses. I want to sit here and feel the awfulness of them—and then be filled with gratitude that the Lord disciplines those he loves. Oh, how I’ve needed his discipline time and again when I’ve set out on a destructive path.) My favorite moment in the book of Amos comes next. At the climax of exposing Israel’s sin and prophesying judgment, the Lord tells her that he is with her—and gives her yet another chance to repent of her sins and seek him. “He is here: the one who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, the one who makes the dawn out of darkness and strides on the heights of the earth. The Lord, the God of Armies, is his name.” (4:13) “Seek me and live!” (5:4) “Seek the Lord and live or he will spread like fire… (5:6) The heart of God beats with holiness and hatred for sin, yet tender longing and patience too—“not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). Judgment was coming. Israel would pay dearly for rejecting her perfect and patient Lover. Even so, the book of Amos ends with God promising a day when all things will be made right. “I will restore the fallen shelter of David;I will repair its gaps,restore its ruins,and rebuild it as in the days of old. …I will restore the fortunesof my people Israel. …I will plant them on their landand they will never again be uprootedfrom the land I have given them.The Lord your God has spoken.” This year we collectively find ourselves in a chapter of chaos and crisis and conflict—but it is only just a chapter. The Story is a surpassingly great one, and it is always moving toward its glorious end (which is really not an end at all, but a breathtaking new beginning). God is here. He is speaking, roaring. And his plans will prevail. Speak, Lord, for we are listening. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Postscript: One of the most surprising and compelling themes of Amos (which I couldn’t capture in this scratch-the-surface post), is God’s heart for the nations. For this and so many other reasons, I highly recommend spending some time in this oft-overlooked prophetic book! **Moab was a fourth neighbor God accuses and judges, and his crime was “burning the bones of the king of Edom to lime.” I found it fascinating that Edom was guilty of heinous sins, and God was going to judge him with fire, yet God would not tolerate another nation using fire to murder Edom’s king.
Our Favorite Children’s Books & Stories
What is it about a good story? Kate DiCamillo said it best in The Tale of Despereaux: “Why would you save me?” Despereaux asked. “Have you saved any of the other mice?” “Never,” said Gregory, “not one.” “Why would you save me, then?” “Because you, mouse, can tell Gregory a story. Stories are light. Light is precious in a world so dark. Begin at the beginning. Tell Gregory a story. Make some light.” As an English and Literature teacher, I began many of my classes perched on a barstool, reading from a chapter book to spellbound teens. No matter how hard the day had been (for myself or my students), those moments disarmed and enchanted us all. It provided us with a shared language and common context. Years later, when I became a mother, I began praying that God would grant my son a love for good stories and a gift for storytelling. For nine years now, I’ve surrounded him with stories—and whether or not he ends up being a storyteller himself, the ritual of reading and listening to and telling stories has become one of the sweetest, most meaningful rhythms of our family life. To curate a book list for my son’s first decade, I sifted through myriad resources, asked friends who are ahead of me in motherhood for their best recommendations, and drew on my own favorites from childhood and teaching days. I looked for books that are well written, speak honestly to the realities of life, and are hopeful, courageous, and redemptive. I searched for culturally diverse books (to give my son a global perspective) and historically rich books (to help him understand more than this blink-in-time). Because every good story is a small reflection of The Greatest Story, good children’s books have the potential to enlarge our children’s hearts for eternal realities. For example, in Night Journeys, an 11-year-old boy struggles between a secret, selfish desire fueled by resentment and a newly awakened desire to selflessly help two enslaved children. In The Rag Coat, a young girl overcomes the shame and ostracism of poverty by sharing stories that disarm her schoolmates. And in Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes, a boy born into destitution discovers his true identity and courageously confronts evil forces. While these are all works of fiction, they shine light on what is true and pure and noble and just—the very things we want filling our children’s hearts and minds. This is by no means an authoritative list; rather, it is a work of joy. Some of these books we’ve read together as a family. Some my son has read on his own, and others he’s listened to on audiobook. Regardless of their medium, these stories have “made some light” for our family, even through the darkest days. May they do the same for you and yours. Short Stories Peter and the Magic Thread (French)*Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters (African tale told by J. Steptoe)The Blind Men and the Elephant (Indian)Anansi the Spider (Ashanti)Tales from the Arabian Nights (Arabian)Casey at the Bat (Ernest Thayer)The Emperor’s New Clothes (Hans Christian Andersen)The Gift of the Magi (O. Henry)*Little Sambha and the Tiger (Indian tale told by Scott Gustafson)The Highwayman (Alfred Noyes)Hansel and Gretel (Brothers Grimm)Jack and the Beanstalk (Old English)The Little Engine That Could (Arnold Munk)The Pied Piper of Hamelin (Robert Browning)The Princess and the Pea (Hans Christian Andersen)Puss in Boots (Giovanni F. Straparola)Rumpelstiltskin (German)Ricky of the Tuft (Perrault)Sleeping Beauty (French)Aesop’s Fables (Aesop)Jason and the Argonauts: the first great quest (Robert Byrd)The Three Billy Goats Gruff (Norwegian)The Three Little Pigs (English)The Ugly Duckling (Hans Christian Andersen)The Elves and the Shoemaker (Brothers Grimm)Tom Thumb (English)‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (Clement Clarke Moore)Just So Stories (Rudyard Kipling)Gulliver’s Travels (Jonathan Swift)American Tall Tales (Mary Pope Osborne)Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (Rudyard Kipling)*Hans in Luck (Brothers Grimm) Storybooks A Pair of Red Clogs (Masako Matsuno)Grandfather’s Journey (Allen Say)Tree of Cranes (Allen Say)The Little House (Virginia Lee Burton)The Stranger (Ursel Scheffler)*The Rag Coat (Lauren Mills)*Walking Through a World of Aromas (Ariel Andres Almada)*The Mitten (Alvin Tresselt)The Glorious Flight (Alice & Martin Provensen)How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World (Marjorie Priceman)Very Last First Time (Jan Andrews) Classics The Prince and the Pauper (Mark Twain)*Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)Dr. Seuss books (Dr. Seuss)Robin Hood (Howard Pyle)Little House in the Big Woods (Laura Ingalls Wilder)Farmer Boy (Laura Ingalls Wilder)The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien)Peter Pan (J.M. Barrie)Peter Rabbit (Beatrix Potter)The Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame)Pinocchio (Carlo Collodi)Dr. Dolittle (Hugh Lofting)Winnie-the-Pooh (A.A. Milne)The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (L. Frank Baum)The Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis)*Around the World in 80 Days (Jules Verne)The Odyssey (Homer)*A Stage Full of Shakespeare Stories (Angela McAllister)Little Pilgrim’s Progress (Helen L. Taylor)The Princess and the Goblin (George MacDonald)The Story of Beowulf (Henrietta Elizabeth Marshall)Joan of Arc (Diane Stanley)The Story of King Arthur & His Knights (Classic Starts, Howard Pyle) Chapter Books Night Journeys (Avi)*Number the Stars (Lois Lowry)Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Roald Dahl)Charlie and the Glass Elevator (Roald Dahl)The BFG (Roald Dahl)The Mouse and the Motorcycle (Beverly Cleary)Runaway Ralph (Beverly Cleary)How to Eat Fried Worms (Thomas Rockwell)Stuart Little (E.B. White)Leepike Ridge (N.D. Wilson)Nevermoor (Jessica Townsend)The Tale of Despereaux (Kate DiCamillo)*Because of Winn Dixie (Kate DiCamillo)The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane (Kate DiCamillo)Bound for Oregon (Jean van Leeuwen)Peter Nimble (Jonathan Auxier)*Sophie Quire (Jonathan Auxier)Roverandom (J.R.R. Tolkien)My Side of the Mountain (Jean Craighead George)Sir Gibbie (George MacDonald) Book Series Rangers Apprentice (John Flanagan)Edge of Extinction (Laura Martin)Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Brandon Sanderson)*Arlo Finch (John August)On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness (Andrew Petersen)Fablehaven (Brandon Mull)Percy Jackson (Rick Riordan)*The Boxcar Children (Gertrude Chandler Warner)I Survived (Lauren Tarshis)Basil of Baker Street (Eve Titus)100 Cupboards (N.D. Wilson)Magic Treehouse (Mary Pope Osborne)Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (J.K. Rowling)The Oregon Trail (Jesse Wiley)The Hardy Boys (Franklin W. Dixon)Outlaws of Time: The Legend of Sam Miracle (N.D. Wilson)*The Story of the World (Susan Wise Bauer)Keeper of the Lost Cities (Shannon Messenger)The Wingfeather Saga (Andrew Peterson) Biographies Children of the Storm (Natasha Vins)*God’s Smuggler (Brother Andrew)*A Question of
